


a game of this or that, now versus then

by celeste9



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 5 Times, Angry Sex, Angst, Backstory, Banter, Clothed Sex, Complicated Relationships, Established Relationship, Extra Treat, First Time, Force Choking, Height Differences, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Power Play, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:59:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14348454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: Poe and Ben have their first time on a ship. After that, it kind of becomes their thing.It’s still their thing, apparently, even after Ben styles himself as Kylo Ren and they fight on opposite sides.





	a game of this or that, now versus then

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perlaret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perlaret/gifts).



> Title is from Fall Out Boy. Thank you for requesting this! :D

_ 1. _

The relief pilot bunk in the lounge on the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ was just that - a relief bunk. It was honestly too small for two men, particularly when one of those two men was Ben Organa-Solo, recently off a massive growth spurt.

Poe, though, found that sprawling on top of Ben as he lay on the bunk suited his purposes just fine.

Ben’s mouth was so soft and warm and he hooked his leg around Poe’s hips, the resulting slight shift in their positions creating a pleasant increase in friction. “Ben,” Poe said, breathing his words against Ben’s mouth. “You said it’s hours until your dad and Chewie will be back, right?”

“Yeah,” Ben agreed, sighing it out, like he was only half-listening.

“So can we…” Poe rolled his hips.

Ben’s fingers dug into the flesh of Poe’s waist. “Uh…”

“I mean,” Poe said, leaning back a bit so he could see Ben’s face better, all flushed cheeks and red lips. “If you want. I just… I want to. With you. If that’s okay.”

He didn’t know why words and complete sentences seemed so difficult all of a sudden.  _ I want to have sex with you.  _ It shouldn’t be that hard to say.

“Like… for real?” Ben’s voice had a weird squeak in it.

Poe smiled. “I don’t think you can really fake it.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yeah. For real for real. Please. If you want to, too. It’s okay if you don’t.”

Ben kissed him, maybe over-eager, a crush of lips, a little too much tongue. Laughingly Poe let himself slump against Ben’s chest again, rocking his hips so that Ben groaned into his mouth. “That’s yes, right? That feels like yes.”

“Don’t make me change my mind,” Ben said with a nip to Poe’s lip.

Poe slipped his hand between them, feeling Ben up. “Doesn’t seem likely, buddy.”

Hissing, Ben returned the favor, making Poe’s breath catch. 

“Okay,” Poe said, dropping his forehead onto Ben’s shoulder. “Okay, fair. I… Blast.”

“What do you…”

Poe slid down and then up, dragging his body over Ben’s, the friction so, so good, exactly right. “I think we can just… I mean, it doesn’t have to be, uh, complicated or--” He moaned at the way his dick rubbed against Ben’s, amazing even through the layers of their clothing. “Like that, yeah.”

Except, honestly, it could be better, and Poe was pretty sure they needed to get rid of the pants. He leaned back a little, yanking his boots off, while Ben grunted and swore.

“You little shit, what the fuck, watch your elbows,” he said as Poe wriggled around, trying to get out of his pants without standing up.

“This is better, though, right? This is better.” Poe threw his pants down on the floor and tried not to feel too smug at the way Ben was looking at him, wide-eyed and wanting. It made it easy not to let himself feel awkward or nervous, knowing that Ben was this into him. Ben’s hands went to his ass, squeezing, and Poe undid Ben’s fly. Ben was even almost helpful, lifting his hips so Poe could pull his pants down and off.

“Kriffing hell,” Ben said as their hips aligned, erections gliding against each other, and as Poe rocked into him, kissing him again.

Yeah, so, so much better.

_ - _

_ 2. _

“I don’t think A-wings are the ship for me,” Ben said, his legs jammed up in the cockpit, the most endearing, annoyed little pout on his face.

Poe laughed, balanced over the side of the cockpit. “But you look so cute.”

“Fuck you.”

“We first met in this A-wing,” Poe said, and Ben’s expression softened.

“I remember,” he said, and didn’t even grumble when Poe climbed over the side and wedged himself in between Ben’s legs, leaning his forearms on Ben’s thighs. That had been just after Poe’s mother died, and Poe had spent more time in this ship than out of it.

“Sometimes it’s not so bad to be short,” Poe said, settling himself. It was a tight squeeze, to be fair, but Poe had never minded tight squeezes where Ben was involved.

“That can’t be comfortable.”

“Dunno. I’m in a pretty ideal position, you ask me.” Poe leaned forward the tiniest bit between Ben’s thighs, dragging his lip between his teeth, liking the way it made Ben swallow reflexively.

“You can’t mean to…”

“Why not?”

“What if your dad comes in here, or--”

“He won’t. Too busy reminiscing with your uncle.”

“There’s no room in here, Poe.”

“Seems to me I fit just fine.” To demonstrate, Poe pushed Ben’s thighs apart a little farther and sat more onto his heels, lowering his position until the suggestiveness of it was undeniable.

“You’re kriffing ridiculous.”

Poe nuzzled Ben’s crotch, lightly mouthing him through his pants. “So you don’t want me to blow you?”

“I didn’t--” Ben clenched his hands in Poe’s hair. “I didn’t say that.”

“Then shut up and let me blow you,” Poe said, his hands on Ben’s thighs.

Ben laughed helplessly until Poe got his pants open and his mouth on Ben’s dick, sucking the tip. After that, the sounds that came out of him were entirely more gratifying.

_ - _

_ 3. _

“This has got to be breaking a hundred different rules,” Ben said as Poe pulled him by the hand into the hangar on the far side of campus.

Poe had done his research; he knew it would be empty this time of day. No classes scheduled, no ships under maintenance. Still breaking rules, sure, but Poe felt he deserved a bit more credit than Ben was offering.

“No risk, no reward,” he said because he knew it would make Ben roll his eyes.

He wasn’t disappointed.

“What reward exactly are you expecting?”

“Oh, Ben,” Poe tutted, approaching the X-wing that was unofficially his, the one he used for all his flights now that he was approaching graduation. “You know me better than to have to ask.”

“I was hoping you might surprise me.”

“No, you weren’t.” Poe dropped Ben’s hand so he could lovingly stroke the side of his X-wing, feeling the light scoring from years of student pilots getting into scrapes. He climbed swiftly up the ladder and hopped into the cockpit, waggling his eyebrows. “Gonna join me?”

He earned another eye roll.

Ben said, “Aren’t you concerned you’re getting predictable?” as he stepped onto the third rung of the ladder.

“Nah, I just know what I like. No shame in that. Besides,” he added, as Ben climbed over the side of the cockpit, maneuvering his long, solid body inside, “you’re pretty predictable, too. You grumble and groan and fight me a little, and then you do what I want anyway.”

“Only when it’s what I already wanted to do,” Ben said, his face wrinkling up in this incredibly intense concentration that was both hilarious and vaguely sweet as he tried to fit himself in over Poe.

“You’ve admitted that my ideas are amazing!”

“I did not, I… Fuck you.”

Poe laughed even as Ben’s heavy body crushed him down into the seat. Ben was perched over him like a large, awkward bird but Poe liked the closeness and the pressure all the same. “Like you don’t actually want to figure out how many different types of ships we can have sex in.”

“The X-wing is not one of them.”

“I’m gonna have to disagree there, pal,” Poe said, and helpfully undid his zipper.

“I can’t kriffing fit down there,” Ben protested. “I barely fit up here!”

“Handjob then. I’m not fussy.”

“How noble of you.”

“Right? Come on though, we’ve only got ten minutes. I had Beebee-Ate start a timer.”

“You had Beebee-Ate start a timer,” Ben repeated. “I’m glad I merit so much effort and… and… romance.”

“Romance makes you uncomfortable.” Poe pulled Ben’s head down for a kiss. “Let’s do it.”

“I hate you,” Ben said, but he kissed Poe again, sliding his hand between them.

They could so have sex in an X-wing.

_ - _

_ 4. _

Intellectually Poe knew that the screaming echoing against the walls was coming from his own lungs but in actuality he felt divorced from it, like it was some other poor sap having his brain ripped apart. He tried to keep Kylo Ren out, tried not to give up what Ren was looking for, but Ren kept pushing and pushing and fuck, it hurt. No matter how hard Poe tried to keep his secrets close, Ren found them and pulled them out.

He walked through Poe’s head and the worst part was how familiar it felt, worse than the wracking pain, because Poe knew… he knew…

Ren glided through Poe’s memories, the Navy, the Resistance, and Poe knew he couldn’t keep him out.

But he could concentrate on what he knew Ren didn’t want to see; he could push the memories of his choice to the front. Two boys climbing trees, wedged into an A-wing cockpit together, swimming, racing on the backs of speeders. Kissing in the moonlight, laughing beneath the covers, bodies arching together.

Kylo Ren stumbled back, lowering his shaking hand.

The silence felt deeper than it had before, now that Poe had stopped screaming. His chest heaved up and down with his harsh breathing and his throat ached raw but it was nothing compared to the pain in his head, like the worst hangover migraine he had ever had amplified a thousand times.

And Ben… Ben…

It wasn’t like Poe hadn’t had his suspicions, hadn’t heard the rumors. But now he knew, and the hurt threatened to overwhelm him. Leia should have told him. She owed him that.

“Did you think you could do that and I wouldn’t know?” Poe’s words sounded rough to his own ears. “Did you think you could just prance in and out, and see nothing but what you wanted? Did you think I wouldn’t know that it’s you under that fucking mask? Ben Solo?”

“Ben Solo is dead,” Kylo said, and even amplified through his mask he sounded off-balance.

Poe snorted. “Uh huh. Convenient.”

“I have what I need,” Kylo said, like he was desperately trying to regain the upper hand. It was funny that he could lose it in the first place, given that Poe was the one in the kriffing restraints.

“And a little more besides, right? Thanks for reminding me of that time you came to visit on Hosnian Prime right after I’d graduated and got my first assignment, that was a hell of a night. You always looked good on your knees.”

Kylo was curling his hand into a fist by his side and he looked like he wanted nothing better than to punch Poe right in his nose. “I’m not--”

“We’ve never done it on a Star Destroyer. D’you think this counts? I mean, you were inside me, just not in a fun way.”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Kylo shouted, raising his hand again and squeezing it.

The air to Poe’s brain seemed to cut off, like Kylo was choking him. He could feel the pressure around his neck, though nothing was there. He wheezed, and after a moment, Kylo dropped his hand again.

Poe gulped in oxygen.

“You are no longer any use to us,” Kylo said, striding towards the door. “You will be executed. Enjoy your last moments.”

Poe turned his head so he could see Kylo better, the tall, dark bulk of him. “I liked it better when I thought you were dead.”

Kylo went through the door.

Poe closed his eyes and breathed out.

_ - _

_ 5. _

Poe strolled down the beach with his hands in his pockets, a faint buzz of noise from the city reaching his ears, the moonlight casting a pleasant, muted glow. Maybe it was actually a good thing he had to wait for a transport to get him off-planet in the morning; this was almost like a vacation, or at the very least, a breather. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had had a break.

The black figure ducking out onto the sand ahead of him was a vague surprise but nothing to make much note of; it wasn’t like Poe had sole use of the beach, obviously. It was late but it was the sort of setting that was both peaceful and romantic, so Poe couldn’t blame anyone else wanting to take advantage of it.

After a while, though, the figure started to seem disconcertingly familiar, only it couldn’t be. No fucking way.

Poe followed as the looming shadow hurried more quickly, off the main beach and into a deserted little alcove. It was suddenly abundantly clear that Poe wasn’t imagining things, as the figure was returning to a ship that was instantly recognizable.

Kylo Ren’s customized TIE fighter, the  _ Silencer. _

“Oh, fuck this,” Poe said aloud, and drew his blaster.

Kylo turned and almost lazily waved his hand, disarming Poe. “Dameron. Haven’t we already done this?”

“Like failure has ever stopped me before.”

“I wondered if you might have finally learned.”

Poe simply watched him. He hadn’t been this close to Kylo Ren since the  _ Finalizer _ and unlike then, he was unmasked now, as he had been on Crait. The scar bisected his face and his skin was ghostly pale in the moonlight, framed by his black hair. He looked tired and almost haggard; Poe wondered if life as the Supreme Leader didn’t suit him.

“Why the hell are you here?” Poe asked. “I mean, what are the odds?”

Kylo cocked an eyebrow. “You don’t honestly expect I’m going to answer that, do you?”

“I guess not. Still, kind of fortuitous, huh? Me finding you here? As far as you know I could’ve already alerted the Resistance.”

“You haven’t. And if even if you had, I’ll be gone before they arrive.”

“Wanna stake your life on it?”

Kylo moved a step closer. “Seems to me that you’re the one staking your life on what happens next. You’re unarmed and alone and I don’t even need a weapon to kill you.”

“Yeah. Kill the past. Isn’t that your new philosophy? Isn’t that what you told Rey?” Poe spread his arms out. “Well, here I am. Take your best shot.”

The silence stretched and for a moment, Poe thought Kylo might do it. He was tightening his jaw in that way that meant he was struggling, struggling to sort out his thoughts and emotions, struggling for control over his own actions. It was when he was most dangerous - Kylo, and Ben, too - because it was when he was most likely to lash out, most likely to act in anger, and regret later. 

But Kylo only turned away, facing his ship, and now it was Poe who closed the distance between them.

“That’s it? You’re just gonna leave? Run? You fucking owe me! You owe me something!”

“Owe you?” Kylo said. “I owe you?”

“You tortured me, you fucking bastard, so yeah, you owe me! You murdered my friends! You… you  _ left-- _ ” Poe pushed his hand through his hair and made himself stop talking.

“I left,” Kylo repeated, his voice shaking. “I left? That’s how you want to play this?”

“Yeah, you fucking left! You checked out, Ben! You changed, when we said we never would, it would always be us, and you chose  _ Snoke _ over me! You didn’t trust me to help you and you…” Poe took a deep breath, in, then out. Honestly, why was he even bothering?

“You don’t know anything!” 

There was that pressure around Poe’s throat again, like his airway was being crushed, like back on the  _ Finalizer. _ “Do it, you bastard,” Poe said while he still could, the words squeezing out of his throat. “You want to kill the past then just fucking kill me.”

The pressure tightened and then released.

Poe launched himself at Kylo, catching him off-guard and tackling him against the side of the  _ Silencer.  _ Kylo’s breath hissed out between his teeth and they grappled, too tightly pressed together to do much more than yank at each others’ hair and jab elbows into ribs. Kylo head-butted Poe until he saw stars but Poe kneed him in the crotch; Kylo doubled over and slid towards the ground. 

“Fuck,” Kylo said, face contorting, but he pulled Poe down with him. They rolled over and over in the sand, grabbing at clothes, swiping at whatever flesh they could reach. Poe bit Kylo’s ear and Kylo punched him in his soft middle.

Swearing, Poe collapsed on top of Kylo, breathing harshly, as Kylo went limp beneath him. 

“I hate you so much,” Kylo said, and he sounded so much like Ben that Poe couldn’t stop himself from chuckling weakly into Kylo’s neck, the two of them sprawled on the sand.

“Hate you more,” Poe said, fingers traveling over Kylo’s side as Kylo fussed and brushed sand out of his sleeve. 

He honestly didn’t know what compelled him to do it but he pressed a kiss into Kylo’s skin, feeling him tremble. He pressed another one up the line of his neck, then one on his jaw, and before he knew it he was kissing Kylo’s mouth, and Kylo was kissing him back, firm and rough, teeth and tongues.

Poe straddled him, knees digging into the sand, while Kylo growled into his mouth and squeezed Poe’s ass. This was absolutely going onto the long list of terrible ideas Poe did anyway but Kylo was dragging his teeth over Poe’s jaw and rocking his hips and Poe needed this terrible idea, he needed…

“How big is the cockpit of your ship?” Poe said, running his hands over Kylo’s chest.

“Big enough,” Kylo said, pulling Poe up to his feet, clearly needing no further pushing.

Poe climbed up first, noting that it was actually pretty roomy, as far as starfighter cockpits went, and then Kylo was in his lap, knees to either side of him, kissing him again, like he used to, when they were young and horny and desperate ( _ and in love, don’t forget that, don’t forget--) _ . Poe tried to find skin but got frustrated at Kylo’s kriffing complicated outfit, yanking at the back.

“Do you need droids to help you undress?” he asked, and Kylo bit his neck.

“Don’t be stupid,” he said, sliding his hands beneath Poe’s ass and lifting him. Poe grabbed onto Kylo’s shoulders out of reflex, breath whooshing out of him as Kylo swapped their positions, settling back into the seat and depositing Poe into his lap.

Kylo was so hard, that fact all the more evident as Poe sat on top of him, and Poe’s lips curved upwards. “Is this a hint?”

Not bothering to answer, Kylo undid the fastening of Poe’s pants, working them roughly down his hips. He sucked two fingers into his mouth and gave Poe no time to react before pushing one fingertip between his cheeks, then a second.

Poe gasped and fell forward, bracing himself on Kylo’s chest, breathing into the top of his head. “So we’re just going right for it, then?”

“Don’t know what else you expect,” Kylo said, getting his pants open with his free hand, and yeah, that was fair.

The burn of Kylo’s dick was almost too much as Poe lifted himself up and then sank down, groaning at the uncomfortable stretch and digging his fingers into Kylo’s shoulders. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, Kylo was watching him, the barest hint of befuddlement in his dark eyes, like he was as taken aback by this turn of events as Poe was. Mostly, though, mostly he just looked like he wanted it, and that was as much as Poe could focus on right now.

That it was good, and he wanted, and he’d think about the rest later.

“Guess it’s good I didn’t damage it,” Poe said, and that eye roll was just like Ben.

Poe raised and lowered his hips, setting the pace himself, quick and purposeful, as Kylo thrust upwards to match him. Kylo curled one big hand around Poe’s dick and it wasn’t fair how familiar this all was, how if he closed his eyes and didn’t think he could be a decade younger with a boyfriend he loved, a boyfriend who loved him, someone he naïvely thought he could have forever.

Kylo’s grip was warm and firm, his palm calloused from so many years of lightsaber use. He still remembered the rhythm Poe liked, that twist of his wrist and flick of his thumb that always made Poe moan; his body remembered even if he had tried as hard as Poe had to forget all of it.

Or maybe he had just failed to forget as spectacularly as Poe had.

Poe clutched Kylo to himself, hands sliding behind his neck, rolling his hips more deliberately, feeling Kylo gasp and breathe into him, his other hand palming over Poe’s ass, over his waist, his side, up beneath his shirt. Poe hated how much he didn’t hate this, how he felt like he hadn’t been fucked like this in years, how much he needed it.

He came first, making a mess all over Kylo’s dark clothes, and that at least was almost gratifying. Kylo licked come off his fingers and Poe closed his eyes and tried to ignore it, pressing his face into Kylo’s hair. It took Kylo a bit longer, rocking upwards, but he still made that same choked sound he always had, like he was fighting to be quiet but could never completely manage it.

They sat together for a few moments, breathing heavily, and it was almost… Well, Poe supposed that was it. It was  _ almost,  _ but it would never quite make it because he wasn’t a decade younger and neither was Kylo, and they could never be those people again.  

He bit his lip when he let Kylo slide out of him, wincing at the newfound ache. Poe actually hadn’t been fucked at all recently, as a matter of fact, let alone that vigorously. He pulled his pants back up and resigned himself to feeling disgusting until he was able to have a shower and change his clothes.

When he climbed out of the ship, he heard Kylo move behind him, following. It was easy enough, while Kylo was distracted, to recover his blaster, and his hand didn’t shake when he set it to stun and pulled the trigger.

Kylo’s back hit the side of the  _ Silencer  _ with a loud thud before his body collapsed onto the sand.

Poe crouched beside him. “Guess you shouldn’t have trusted me,” he murmured, unable to resist stroking his hand through Kylo’s soft hair. He pressed his nose to the side of Kylo’s head and breathed in; he even smelled like he used to.

He stood and pulled Kylo by the legs, grunting. Fuck but he was heavy. He left an imprint of Kylo’s body dragged through the sand as he deposited him off to the side, away from the ship, to forestall any unfortunate accidents. Poe leaned his hands on his thighs for a few seconds to catch his breath.

Poe carefully placed a comlink where Kylo would find it when he regained consciousness, then sat back on his heels and watched Kylo’s face for a moment. He still looked like Ben, even with the scar. He would always look like Ben, and Poe wished that didn’t hurt.

“It’s more than you’d do for me,” Poe said, and straightened. 

The  _ Silencer  _ was a beautiful ship and Poe had meant what he said: Kylo owed him. Owed him for the pain and misery, for the years of questions and fearing the answers, for Leia, for the friends Kylo had killed, for the torture, for  _ Black One.  _ The absolute least Poe was owed was this kriffing ship, he thought as he sat in the pilot’s seat and switched on the engine.

He took his time familiarizing himself with the controls before taking off. Honestly, his ass was so sore that Poe wasn’t looking forward to a long trip in the cockpit through hyperspace, but the  _ Silencer  _ handled like a dream, smooth and sure. BB-8 would love this ship.

Poe wasn’t going to need that transport after all.


End file.
